So, it’s February now?

Happy new year – very belatedly!

Haven’t posted in a while. I know, I know, but I just haven’t felt much in a blogging mood.

So, what  has happened over the past, um, two months?

Well, I’ve now lost a total of 56.2 lbs, since August 1, 2009. Weight Watchers definitely works, if you work the program. I’ve got 43.8 lbs til goal, and then I won’t know what to do with myself. I honestly don’t remember when I last weighed 154 lbs, but it was a LOOOOONG time ago. Like early high school or maybe middle school long ago. I know that my senior year of HS, I hit the 200 lb mark, but I don’t remember how much I weighed when I started HS.

Anyway, the cool part is that I’m now under 200 lbs. It is very nice seeing my weight with a “1″ as the first number, and it’s been a long time since I saw that. Like 7 years or so since I’ve been under 200 lbs.

What else? I’m going to be in my BFF’s wedding on March 13. Got a pretty dress to wear, and am looking forward to it, especially since I don’t have to wear heels with the dress! I’m sure she and her partner will both be gorgeous on their special day. If only it could be legal, but, alas, this is NC, and too many folks here don’t feel gays and lesbians should have equal rights when it comes to marriage. Just like in most of our country. So backwards, but what really matters is that S and L will be married in their hearts and minds, right?

Got a most special gift from a dear dear friend back in December. In case you’re just stumbling across my blog (as if anyone who doesn’t know me reads this anyway, but still…), I lost five kitties and all my material possessions in September 2007 in an apartment fire. I managed to make it out with my two little dogs. In January 2008, I adopted another kitty (and have since fostered several kitties and adopted two more, one of which passed away suddenly in April 2009).

So, A surprised me with paintings of my five lost kitties – Pip, Piper, Bella, Xander and Felix – my two dogs, Puddin’ and Penny, and my kitty Neville. I was and am so touched by the gift, by A’s thoughtfulness in taking the time to paint my babies. She’s a very very special person – a very dear friend – and she did a lovely job capturing all of them. Thank goodness I had pictures of my babies online, or I would have had nothing but memories of them. You can see the paintings she did at her blog. She is quite talented (and is the friend who taught me to crochet, for which I am still very grateful!).

Finished my Statistics class last semester – got a B. Not great, but better than I did when I took Stats my freshman year of college, and hopefully good enough! It wasn’t an easy class, so I’m okay with a B. Taking Sociology this semester, and I’m kind of enjoying it. It’s officially my “last” prerequisite for nursing school. Well, for the nursing schools I’m applying to, anyway. If I don’t get accepted at either of those programs and decide to apply to some other programs, I may need to take another prereq or two.

Still don’t have a permanent place to live, but a good friend is letting me live in her family’s home in Chapel Hill for the spring semester. She and her family live in Mozambique most of the year, so their house was just sitting empty this winter/spring. I know her through the animal rescue group I volunteer with, so she’s definitely okay with my four furbabies. S and her soon-to-be stepdaughter came and helped me TREMENDOUSLY with packing and getting stuff moved to the house, and then Mom and Dad came up on moving day and helped me get the rest of my stuff in storage and get the old apartment cleaned up. I couldn’t have done it without all of them.

Now I just have to find a place to live by the beginning of May, as my friend’s daughter is graduating from college then and will be moving into the house. At least it gives me a little time to get my stuff in order and find a decent place, as there was nothing out there when I was looking before. Hopefully, with the students leaving at the end of April/beginning of May, something good will open up. It’s going to be hard leaving this house, though – it has a fenced in backyard that the dogs are loving, and lots of windows for the cats to look out of. Oh, and I’ve got nice neighbors, for the first time in forever. So, yes, it will be hard leaving.

Off work today, due to snow/ice. We got about 6-8 inches of snow and sleet in Chapel Hill on Friday night/Saturday morning, and I’ve been cooped up ever since then. It’s pretty outside, but the road in front of the house is a solid sheet of ice, and the bus I usually take to work isn’t running down my road. Walking to the main road to catch the bus would be hazardous with the ice, and driving would be both hazardous and would mean I would have to pay to park, which sucks. So, I’m taking an “adverse weather” day and hoping that the bus will run tomorrow. I can’t afford to be out too much!

I’ll leave you with a couple of doggie snow pics, and will try to blog more regularly from now on.

Cross your fingers

Going to look at a house tomorrow, an apartment Monday and another apartment Tuesday. All of them know that I have two dogs and two cats, and are still willing to rent to me. Cross your fingers that one of them will work out and that I’ll know where I’m moving by sometime next week.

Then I can get to work on all the other crap that accompanies having to move – transferring services, packing, moving logistics, etc. That is, after Saturday at about 7  p.m., when my Statistics final should be behind me.

I do wish life would get easier. You know, just a little easier? Sigh.

When it rains…

It fucking pours. In my life anyway.

I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Let’s see how many cliches I can fit in this post.)

So, I have to move by January 10. And I have no where to go. No idea of where I’m going to go that will allow me and four furbabies, for a reasonable price.

And why do I have to move by January 10, when my lease wasn’t up until May 31? Because the lady that drew up the lease made a typo in the date (says my lease runs from June 01, 2009 to May 31, 2009, and idiot me didn’t catch it when I signed it. The property owner switched property managers back in the spring, and then switched back to the original ones, and the paperwork was transferred. The lease renewal happened during the brief time with the “new” property manager. So she screwed up by making the error, and I screwed up by not catching the error, and apparently the old and now current property manager caught the error but didn’t bother to notify me. They just put me down as having a month-to-month lease because the original agreement was null and void. But I didn’t know that until I got a certified letter telling me that they want me out by January 10, because the property owner wants to renovate so he can put the place up for sale.

And now I have to find a place to live. By January 10. When I’m in no financial position to move.

I put off applying to one of my nursing programs, because of the stress of trying to get everything together and then this dumped on top of it. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do.

I’m looking at a house in Durham on Sunday, and I know the man who owns it (not well, but I’ve done some work with him). I’m really really  hoping it works out, because it’s sort of my only option at the moment, and I don’t think things are going to get any easier as the holidays approach.

The funny part is, the property manager said to let them know if they could assist me in finding a new home. When they treat me like shit as a tenant – why would I want to rent from them again? They don’t respond well to maintenance requests, the work that is done is shoddy, the rent is too high for what I’m getting, they come and go in my apartment pretty much as they please with little or no notice. One time I even came home and realized that someone had been inside my apartment and run cable throughout the apartment, been in my bedroom, in my closets, all with the animals out, and they NEVER EVEN NOTIFIED ME THAT IT HAD EVER BEEN DONE. I wouldn’t have noticed had there not been dust from where they were drilling in the walls.

Problem is, I don’t think I could win a lawsuit, and I don’t have the money to hire a lawyer. Otherwise, I would sue their asses.

I’m so tired. So tired of the bullshit. And so tired of things going wrong. I just need something to go right. Something big. And if the other shoe drops…I don’t know how I’ll deal with it.

33

Not much time for reflection this birthday. I was up at 4:30 a.m. to finish my homework for my class, as I can’t think clearly enough in the evenings when I’m tired to do it, and then caught the bus at 6:30 a.m. to meet someone at 7:15 a.m. to go to the SRC (the student rec center – the gym). We worked out until 8, then I went to work, went to lunch with some friends/coworkers, went to class, back to work for a little while and finally caught the bus home around 6. I talked to my grandmother, fed the furbabies, ate a snack and took a short nap. Up a while later to eat supper and watch Grey’s Anatomy, talked to one grandmother for a bit, then the other grandmother and my aunt for a bit, then I went to bed.

Mom didn’t call me on my birthday last year or this year. Didn’t even text me a Happy Birthday. Not sure what’s up with her, but I’m a little hurt. We’ll see if I get a birthday card, but I haven’t so far. She did send a check (just a check, no note or card or anything) that’s intended to help me get a new laptop. I appreciate it, but my dad told her to send it, because she’s the keeper of the checkbook. I talked to Dad night before last and then he texted me yesterday morning.

So, a pretty uneventful birthday for me. But I guess that’s to be expected. After the events of two years ago, an uneventful birthday is okay, you know?

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To get my 34th year off to a good start, I’ve lost 22.2 lbs so far doing WW. We’ll see how I do this week, with starting to go to the SRC. Oh, and I made an A on my Statistics midterm. Didn’t expect it, but hey, I’ll take it.

Two years

Hard to believe it’s been two years.  Two years since I last saw their sweet faces.

Getting so tired of the bullshit

Got a letter in the mail today – my landlord is raising my rent, not even halfway through my lease. WTF? Why are they doing that?

I’m barely making ends meet as it is, and now they’re raising my rent another $15 a month. Jesus.

I’m going to call them tomorrow and see if I can find out why they are raising my rent. I’m also looking for a new place to live. I suspect they really want to renovate this place and sell it, so they just might let me out of my lease. IF I can find someplace else to go that I can afford, and that will take me and my animals. I put an ad on Craigslist, so we’ll see.

———————-

Second anniversary of the fire is coming up at the end of this month, and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I wish it didn’t bother me so much, but it definitely does. So many negative feelings tied to that event, and so many regrets. I used to love the fall, and now it makes me sick.

First goal

I lost 3 lbs this week, so I reached my first WW goal. I’m up to a total of 14 lbs. Next goal – 10%.

Didn’t expect to lose 3 lbs in a week, especially this week, but I’m not givin’ it back, you know?

Funny part was that when I entered in this week’s weigh-in on the WW etools weight tracker page, it told me that, while they were sure I was excited about losing weight, I was losing faster than I should, and I should work to slow down my weight loss.

I don’t know how to slow down my weight loss, especially considering I had no expectations that I would lose as much as I did this week.

I’m sure my weight loss will slow itself down eventually. Probably sooner rather than later. Perhaps I will ignore their advice and just keep doing what I’m doing.

So sad…

Jani’s at the mercy of her mind – a story about a 6-year-old girl with schizophrenia. I can’t imagine what it must be like for her and her parents, but my heart goes out to their family.

Better

I’m feeling much better than I was recently, despite some things that have caused me stress. I’m not letting it get to me any more, at least not at the moment. I was reminded of why I need my meds and why I will probably always need my meds. I can’t afford to slip into the abyss, and that’s what happens when I try to go off my meds.

So, on with the meds it is.

Today is the first day of classes at Carolina. I’m taking Statistics, about which I am not thrilled and more than a little anxious, and my class is at 3:30 in the afternoon. I wish it was in the morning or midday, but I tried to get the best instructor I could get, and hopefully I made the right choice. It’s not going to be an easy class for me I know, so getting a teacher I could understand and who was approachable was of the utmost importance.

Lost another 2.2 lbs at WW this week – up to 11 lbs total so far. I’m hoping for 2 lbs at least this week, because that will put me at my first goal. We shall see. I’m still walking to work most days, so I’m sure that helps, and it’s getting so I kind of look forward to the walk. I especially like Tuesdays and Wednesdays, when I can listen to the podcasts of Car Talk and Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me. (I download the podcasts from the weekend on Monday, so don’t listen to them until Tuesday and Wednesday). I’ve also been listening to The Story and This American Life, and occasionally Science Friday, but I’d like to find something else to listen to as well, so that I don’t get bored.

Lots of folks walking and biking this morning, with it being the first day of classes. A busy fall is ahead.

Sometimes

The hazard of being only somewhat anonymous when blogging is that sometimes you can’t be honest in what you write, lest it come back to bite you in the ass. If you’re reading this, it likely has nothing to do with you, but there is always the slim chance that someone I don’t want reading could stumble across my blog and read things that could make my life more difficult. So, better not to write such things, you know?

Suffice it to say, I’m living for my therapy appointment this week. And things are not getting any easier for me at the moment. And I suppose that’s all I should say about that.

Classes start next week. I’m not ready.

Lost 3.4 lbs on my second week of WW. Trying to not blow it this week, but wanting to eat for comfort as much as anything. Trying to “sit with my feelings” as my therapist recommended, but that’s not easy to do when those feelings aren’t happy ones.

Enough.