Something, finally.

Moving this weekend, and actually have a place to move. Went to the property management office yesterday to sign a lease for a place that wouldn’t be available until late June, but the owner of the property management company (a.k.a. the Landlord) called the owner of most of the buildings on my street and asked (a) if he still wanted me to move and (b) what other apartments would be okay for me to move into. So, I’m moving into the building beside the one I currently live in. From 105B to 103A. It’s a quad-plex, and I won’t have my hardwood floors anymore *pouting*, but it’s a first floor, 2 bedroom, still has a full-size washer & dryer and is in my price range. Plus, they didn’t charge me a pet fee this time, they’re transferring my old deposit over to the new place, and I’m getting a $300 credit because I’m okay with them not repainting the place.

Got a couple of undergrads who work in our department coming to carry furniture over this evening, and I’ll get the rest myself. Not all that much anyway, and I can just carry it over, since it’s right next door. Power and water will be on today, but cable and internet won’t be hooked up until the 6th. (I hate Time Warner Cable. But I don’t exactly have a choice, if I want high speed internet.) I do have to pay a new connection fee for the water, and a new deposit because the deposit for my current account goes toward the final bill. Which means I’ll probably have a credit, because my water bill is always under $50, which is the amount of the deposit. Anyway, the water company doesn’t “transfer” service, so I have to pay a new $45 connection fee, which will be added to my first month’s bill. They suck like that.

On the plus side, Duke Energy was effortless and it didn’t cost me anything to transfer, plus they took care of my TWC transfer as well, and got me a better rate. Yay Duke Energy.

Hoping the animals don’t freak out at the change. I know my Puddin’ won’t be sad to see the hardwoods go, though. She’s terrified of anything she can slip on.

In other news, my Goddaughter’s adoption party is this Sunday. I know my BFF is stressing about the whole thing, but have no doubt that it will all go over well. The only thing K’s going to care about is having fun and being the center of attention, which will happen in any case…

Redundancy

Nothing nothing nothing.

Got my hopes up a bit when I got home tonight and one of the duplexes on my street had a “for rent” sign out front. Alas, no go. Not available until August, and $850/month, which, frankly, is ridiculous.

Emailed my shrink about being jittery and my mood continuing to head south. My hands are shaking so much, it’s hard to type. I keep making mistakes. Teeth are chattering too. It might be the Focalin, but I take it in the morning, and my tremor seems worse in the evening. I dunno.

So sleepy.

Work continues to be frustrating. Won’t say any more about that, as I don’t know who might come across it.

I want to go back to school. Not that I could focus right now.

Nope, nope, and…nope.

Didn’t even bother going IN the apartment I was supposed to see tonight. Location is okay, but it’s dark – it’s the bottom level of a duplex. Some of those units have some windows, but all of these, it appeared, were blocked out due to shrubbery and the landscape. There was a fenced in yard, but the other tenants have a big dog (from the sound of it), so it wouldn’t work for my girls anyway.

Nope. Not gonna work.

Decided to not apply for the one I looked at yesterday. It was pretty, but with no yard and no sidewalks, and being down the hill a bit from where I would want to walk, plus the rent being on the high side of what I think I can afford…just not gonna work.

Fuck.

I’m starting to think perhaps I should start looking at traditional apartment complexes after all, and just cross my fingers that nothing eventful happens while I’m living there. I can put up extra smoke detectors, I have a fire extinguisher… but I can’t do a damn thing about my neighbors.

I don’t know. This whole thing is wearing me out.

Still nothing…

Talked to one landlady today – she said she “couldn’t work with that many animals.” I swear, I know that saying I have two dogs and a cat sounds like a lot, but, um, they are small dogs, and all three of my babies sleep in the bed with me every night. They aren’t a lot.

Ah well, I wasn’t excited about that place anyway.

Looked at another place tonight that would allow the pets, and it was soooo nice inside. Location is so-so, right off of S. Greensboro, so very close to Weaver Street/Carr Mill/Open Eye Cafe, but down the hill a bit, which I didn’t like. Also, not much yard (not really any yard…). But, wow, the inside – the guy who’s been renovating them has done a fantastic job. All new appliances, including washer and dryer, two bedrooms, hardwood floors that are real wood and that have just been refinished. Tile in the kitchen and bathroom. New HVAC system.

I hate to say it, but I’d almost be afraid to live there for fear of messing up those gorgeous floors. Sure, they look a little nicer than laminate, but man oh man is laminate ever easier to take care of…

Anyway, I’m pondering whether or not to fill out the application. I guess I will, but there’s a few people who’ve applied in front of me, so I’m not holding my breath. He only has two openings right now – some of the places are still being renovated.

Finally, I’m supposed to go see a place further down N. Greensboro St. from where I am. Pros – same landlord as I have now, so could probably just transfer my deposit. Nice sized yard. Two bedrooms, newish appliances, washer & dryer. Pets are OK. Still close to everything, even though a little further down the road than where I am now. Cons – downstairs part of a duplex, so I’d be living under someone. Probably not as many windows due to be downstairs. Maybe Pro, Maybe Con – utilities are included in the rent. Might benefit me in the winter, but probably not in the summer. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about keeping the thermostat set really low in the winter and freezing, unless they control it. Which would suck big time…

Weighed the pros and cons of moving to Wilmington with my therapist today, and decided that it doesn’t make sense financially because, even though I’d be getting rid of a traditional rent payment, I’d have to pay for health insurance, which, unfortunately, might end up costing me almost as much as rent. Not to mention that I’d have to pay tuition at UNCW. So, I’d need to be making almost as much as I’m making now for it work, and that’s highly unlikely.

So much stress. I need a second job, I think, at least for the summer. I don’t want to have to work on the weekend of June 14, though, because that’s my grandmother’s 80th birthday and I want to go to Wilmington. And once the summer is over, I’ll be tied down with work and classes, so no real time for a second job. But if I could make some extra money for the next couple of months, it would help. A bit, anyway.

Still looking

Checked out the apartment today that sounded good and is in a good location…I’m disappointed. It wasn’t that it was bad, but the appliances were old, the stove was gas (as was the heat), and the washer/dryer was itty bitty. ‘Bout as small as you could get. I might be able to fit in two pairs of jeans…

So, I called a different place that has rentals in the same area, but they won’t have anything available until mid-July. Sigh. And the landlord there sounds sooo nice. He did say that if I can’t find anything else, to call him back and he’d try harder to figure out something “creative.” I think he’s doing some renovating of the available apartments and doesn’t want anyone living there while it’s going on. I can understand that, of course, but I’ve lived with renovations before too. But, we’ll see. The rent there’s a bit more, but the location is good and it sounds like the upkeep on the places is better. Someone actually mentioned this guy to me last year when I was looking for a place – she said he was a fantastic landlord – but he didn’t have anything at the time.

Ah well.

I’m trying very hard to not get too discouraged. But the clock is ticking…

Struggling to stay awake

This is more of a note for myself than a blog entry, but anyway…

Talked to Dr. L yesterday afternoon. He’s concerned about my sleep – haven’t been sleeping – can’t fall asleep, can’t stay asleep, then can’t wake up in the morning once I finally do get to sleep good. Falling asleep at my desk. Said that we need to get the sleep stuff straightened out so we can see what the Luvox is and isn’t doing as far as mood is concerned.

He recommended taking hydroxyzine for sleep and Focalin (stimulant) to help me be alert/wake up in the daytime. He said he doesn’t like doing “uppers and downers” but that we need to re-regulate my sleep-wake cycle as best we can right now.

Took 25mgs of hydroxyzine last night, then another 25mgs after an hour when I was still awake. Slept fairly soundly for about 8 hours, but could barely pull myself out of bed this morning. Took Focalin once I got to work, and it’s been 1.5 hours and I’m falling asleep. Seriously. I keep nodding off and typing the wrong things when I do.

So, wondering if I need another sleep study. Something is not right. They (not Dr. L, but my other docs) thought I had sleep apnea a few years back, but I didn’t, nor did I have restless limbs. The docs said I had a large percentage of alpha-delta sleep, which they described as not getting enough deep (REM) sleep – my deep sleep cycles are very much interrupted, so my body isn’t resting adequately. They recommended Ambien, or warm milk (I kid you not).

Just heard back from Dr. L. He’s going to send me for a sleep study at a place in Durham.

You know – it would be easier if I did have sleep apnea. At least they know what to do about it. And what I’ve heard from others who have it and start using a CPAP machine – they talk about how amazing it is to finally feel rested.

That certainly would be nice.

So…

no strep. Viral, is what the doc thinks. Which I expected. So, probably been taking antibiotics for nothing at all. Joy joy. And my ear and throat still hurt. Lots of fluids, they said. Tylenol or ibuprofen for pain. It will just take time.

I have so much of that.

This shit is getting old…

I didn’t sleep much last night. Was SO tired, so I went to bed early (for me – about 8:30!), and went to sleep pretty quick, but started waking up at around midnight. Then, at 1:30 a.m. or so, I woke up, went to the bathroom, and couldn’t go back to sleep. At all.

I tried all the things that I knew to try. Finally, at around 3:45 a.m., I took a shower and went and laid back down, and finally went back to sleep. Up at 6, then back to sleep for a bit longer. But when my alarm went off at 7:30 or whatever time I had set it for, I could not pull myself out of bed.

I’m at work. Half asleep. Ear hurts. Only two more days of antibiotics, so not sure when this is supposed to go away. Feel like I’m in a daze. Soooo tired. Can’t think. Have tons of work to do, and just hoping I can stay awake today.

I’m also clammy feeling. I don’t know what the problem is anymore.

Waiting for my psychiatrist to call me back. Will page him again soon. The meds are not working, and I think the increase in fluvoxamine *may* be making me more agitated. I’m not seeing much of the silver linings right now.

Crossing fingers.

I’m going to look at a place on Friday that is *very* convenient and in a decent area. It’s not perfect, but it would be better than any of the other options that I’ve considered thus far.

Was going to see a place tomorrow (Thursday) afternoon, but forgot that I have to take pictures at a lecture one of the professors here is doing. No big deal anyway, as I had already decided that I didn’t want to live there. Scary…

Freaking out and trying to not freak out.

Today is May 14. I now have 2 weeks and 3 days left to find a new home. I am continually amazed at how ridiculously expensive Chapel Hill and Carrboro are, and how much these towns cater to student renters. If you are not a student and don’t want to live like a student, well, you’d better make a lot of money because otherwise, your options are severely limited. You could (a) find a roommate and rent somewhere more expensive, (b) live in a bad part of town for cheap, (c) move out of Chapel Hill/Carrboro.

I’m also amazed at how crappy almost all of the apartment complexes around here are. They are all old. They are all tenderboxes. Many of them are in bad neighborhoods (i.e. higher crime rates). Most of them will cost you $$$ in utilities, which defeats the purpose of offering cheaper rents. You’re gonna pay more anyway. Most of the apartment managers around here get thumbs-down approval ratings too. It’s ridiculous, but they can get away with it because it’s a college town, I suppose.

Finally, I’m amazed at how few places are truly “pet friendly.” This town is pretty big into pets, at least from the looks of the numbers of vets in the area and the numbers of people you see out walking dogs. But there are *a lot* of places that don’t allow pets, and pretty much nowhere allows more than 2 animals, with limits like “60 lbs. combined weight maximum (full grown)” and various breed restrictions (no Akitas, German Shepherds, Great Danes, Rottweilers, Dobermans, Pit/Pit mixes, etc.).

I hate breed restrictions. I wish there were more responsible pet owners so that those breeds didn’t have such a bad reputation. It’s a shame, really.

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I wish gas wasn’t nearing $4/gallon so that it wouldn’t be as painful to commute. I wish there were more “okay” places and fewer scary looking places near campus. I wish there were better options in apartment complexes. I wish I made enough money that finding a place to live would be easy. I wish I didn’t have to lie about my pets and could claim them all instead of just the dogs. Not that I’m getting rid of the cat. What the fuck ever.