Andrew.

So, there’s a possible home for my Andrew. The application that came in wasn’t for him, but the people are interested in adopting two cats and apparently have a fondness for medium – long haired cats, of which Andrew is one.

And I don’t know what to do. The whole thing makes me sick. The thought of letting my Andrew go…

It may be a moot point, as they might choose one of the other kitties over Andrew anyway. They haven’t met him and might fall for one of the others.

What if I make the wrong decision? These people sound like good people. I don’t doubt that Andrew would be well cared for. Their previous kitties lived to be 20 and 17 years old. The husband works out of the home. The wife’s a teacher. They’re cat people.

And I have my other babies to think of. My Neville, who’s very much a lap cat when I let him be. And Casey, who’s sitting on the back of my chair right now (Andrew’s cuddled with Neville on the dog bed on the floor). And, of course, Puddin’ and Penny, my baby girls who are aging and will likely be needing more care sooner rather than later.

I feel so torn. My heart aches. I’m terrified that giving him up will be the wrong decision. That I will miss him more than I can bear. Yes, the pain would ease with time and I know that, but I gave up a dog I rescued years ago and I have never “gotten over it.” I have always regretted giving that dog up, at least giving him to the people I gave him to.

I’m afraid to say, “Sure, they can meet Andrew,” because then, if they fall in love with him, I won’t be able to say, “Sorry, I’ve changed my mind.” That’s not fair to those people at all. Right now they haven’t met him, so it’s not a big deal to them should I decide to adopt him myself.

Financially – on the one hand, one more cat isn’t that big of a deal, especially when he’s young. On the other hand, it doesn’t make much sense for me to adopt a third cat. Of course, it didn’t make any sense at all when I adopted Puddin’ and Penny – my bank account was pretty empty when I paid their adoption fees. With Neville and Casey, it wasn’t such a big deal. Right now, not knowing if I’m going to have a job or not, well, it doesn’t make sense for me to have any animals at all, does it?

I’m not good at weighing the options. It’s a matter of my heart versus my head, emotion versus logic.

I don’t know what to do. I really really don’t know what to do.