Weird

Had a phone call today from the former owner of my building, Ken. He called me at my work number, which I found…weird. Anyway, he said he was trying to help the woman who currently owns my building (okay…) and was I interested in buying one of the units in my building?

Apparently she wants to sell them off, much like Ken did the three units in the building I used to live in.

I told him that I wasn’t in a financial position to even consider buying one of the units. He said, “Don’t you make about xxx a year?” He knew how much I make. Granted, it’s public record since I work for the state, but for him to go to the trouble to find out…weird. He said, “You could afford it, she’s not going to ask that much.”

Seriously – with the amount of work that needs to be done on this place, there’s no way I’d buy one of the units even if I could afford it! The plumbing in the entire building needs to be replaced, there’s probably a mold problem due to the water leak that happened a while back, the carpet needs to be removed (there’s hardwoods under the carpet), the central air unit that was installed last year wasn’t properly installed, and there are wiring issues that are probably a fire waiting to happen. All because the people who were hired to “renovate” these places didn’t know what the hell they were doing and did it as cheaply as possible, without worrying about doing the work the right way. I don’t know that the building would pass inspection.

I just hope they aren’t trying to figure out a way to get me out of here before my lease is up at the end of May. I can’t afford to move right now and there aren’t any places I can afford available now anyway – I’ve looked. Trying to not worry. Jeez, I don’t need this right now.

Trying to keep my head on straight

I’m struggling with a lot of difficult feelings right now. Family issues that I won’t write about here because I don’t want someone to accidentally come across this post and read something I wouldn’t want to share with them; conflict and fear about going back to school, both in regards to the class I am taking this fall and the prospect of going back full-time at some point; stress about getting older and not feeling like I’ve accomplished, well, anything; frustration with the world in general and the government and a large portion of American citizens in particular…

I just have too much on my mind.

I need to stop watching and reading the news, news/political blogs and, frankly, Facebook status updates from Republicans. The bullshit about Obama not being an American citizen, and the fact that there are people (probably in my own family!) who BELIEVE that is the truth. The bullshit about single-payer/socialist health care that lets me know that people only hear what they want to hear and have somehow missed the part where that’s not, um, what’s being proposed. The fact that people I used to be friends with are among the idiot Americans who think that things are okay the way they currently are and nothing needs to change, all because they’re afraid of change.

I just don’t get it. I just don’t understand how people can think that the way things are, with 50 million uninsured Americans and more underinsured Americans and a health care system that already rations health care but does so based on ability to pay for services rather than on what might actually be fair or morally and ethically right…

It’s all enough to make me scream. And call my representatives and tell them that they need to vote for health care reform.

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I have a new neighbor in the apartment above mine, but so far he’s quiet. Quite a difference from the drug-dealing noisy assholes who used to live up there. Today I came home and my neighbors in the apartment beside mine are moving out. I liked them, too, though they did play too loud music occasionally.  Now I have to worry about who might move into that apartment. I can’t take bad neighbors. My poor Puddin’ was so stressed with the folks that lived above us being so noisy and then the renovation work they did on that apartment with all the banging and carrying on…she would hide in the bedroom. I hope that whoever moves in beside me is also quiet. Then we’ll be good to go, for a little while anyway.

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I’m just rambling now so I’ll stop. Having a hard time updating this blog because there’s too much in my head and I’m not doing a very good job of getting it out in a coherent manner.

Fur-baby stress

It’s been an interesting time around my place in regards to my furry children. My foster, Lil’ Joe, was adopted by a wonderful person. Then I got another foster, without really planning to – Sophie.

The group I volunteer with tests all of the kitties that come into our program for feline leukemia (FeLV) and feline immunodeficiency virus (FIV), using a test called a “SNAP” test. These tests are pretty accurate, especially when they’re negative, so when a cat tests negative, we usually take it as a sure sign that the cat is, well, negative for FIV and FeLV.

Sophie tested negative for both FIV and FeLV. I brought her home. I took her to an adoption event. She met a nice family who was interested in possibly doing a trial adoption with her. She was integrated with my Neville and Andrew.

Then one of her kittens tested positive for FeLV. He was sick (from something else) and was euthanized.

Usually the only way a kitten can be positive for FeLV is if the mother is positive. When I found out, I immediately quarantined Sophie. I knew that if she truly was positive, then my boys had possibly been exposed to FeLV. FeLV can be transmitted through shared litter boxes and feeding dishes, though it’s most commonly spread through close contact between cats (mutual grooming, sex, fighting, etc.), and it’s deadly in most cases.

I proceeded to freak the hell out. I mean, seriously, I lost my five kitties in a fire not even two years ago, then I lost Casey only a few months ago. I can’t lose any more kitties anytime soon, you know? It’s just too much.

Then Andrew got sick. Started acting lethargic and just not himself. I took him to the vet and left him for the day and they put him on antibiotics and did bloodwork … and I went through a couple of days of feeling certain that he must have caught something from Sophie (though I knew that FeLV wouldn’t manifest that quickly, I figured she could have been carrying something else, though she seems perfectly healthy), and was blaming myself for putting him and Neville at risk.

Sophie was retested the same day Andrew spent the day at the vet – I took her when I went to pick him up – and she again tested negative. This likely means that she at least isn’t shedding the virus, even if she is a carrier.

Andrew is still on antibiotics and is almost back to normal, though his appetite hasn’t picked up like it should. His bloodwork showed nothing out of the ordinary.

Sophie’s other four kittens were tested and all tested negative. Now she and all four kittens have to be quarantined for the next two months and tested again. And then we still won’t necessarily know for certain that they are all conclusively negative, all because that one kitty had a positive test. We don’t even know if it was a “weak positive” or a “strong positive,” just that it was positive for FeLV. The likelihood is, if Sophie and her remaining kittens test negative again in two months, they truly are negative for FeLV. She may have been exposed to the virus and fought it off – it’s possible for that to happen. But the literature says that a certain percentage of cats are carriers even if they don’t shed the virus – they have it in their bone marrow. And they may become viremic one day down the road, and we don’t know if that will happen or not.

But that’s the case for most cats that come into our program – we don’t always know their history and if they’ve been exposed to FeLV or FIV, and we trust the test because it’s the best we can do. But it makes me rethink this whole fostering thing. I don’t want to get my boys vaccinated for FeLV, because the chance of getting cancer from the vaccine is too great. Do I continue fostering, knowing that I might inadvertently expose them to something that may shorten their lives? Even if I’m careful? Because, honestly, it’s not like I didn’t know this was a possibility. A remote possibility for sure, but there was always a chance that I would put Neville and Andrew at risk. And they’re probably fine, because Sophie’s not shedding the virus even if she does have it, but what if her second test had been positive? I would have had to take them in to be tested in about 30-60 days, and then what?

The “what ifs” are killing me. And that sweet Sophie kitty is living in my bathroom for the time being (I think I’m going to transfer her to my spare bedroom this weekend), and she doesn’t understand why she has to be cooped up and kept away from everyone. And what if she tests positive in two months? What then? Do we have her euthanized? I can hardly stand to think about it. There’s a program in NC that takes FeLV positive kitties, but you have to make a $500 donation toward the cat’s care to get them in the program, and that’s if they have room. I don’t know all the details, but that’s one option, I suppose. But I certainly am not in a position to make that kind of a donation, and I don’t think the rescue group I volunteer with is either, you know?

It all may be a moot point – she may be negative in two months and the vet may consider that conclusive if all her other kittens are as well. I’m hopeful, but cautiously so. And I’m so relieved that my Andrew is acting like he feels better, and Neville hasn’t shown any signs of being sick…

I think I’m due for some good kitty luck, you think?