Two years

Hard to believe it’s been two years.  Two years since I last saw their sweet faces.

Getting so tired of the bullshit

Got a letter in the mail today – my landlord is raising my rent, not even halfway through my lease. WTF? Why are they doing that?

I’m barely making ends meet as it is, and now they’re raising my rent another $15 a month. Jesus.

I’m going to call them tomorrow and see if I can find out why they are raising my rent. I’m also looking for a new place to live. I suspect they really want to renovate this place and sell it, so they just might let me out of my lease. IF I can find someplace else to go that I can afford, and that will take me and my animals. I put an ad on Craigslist, so we’ll see.

———————-

Second anniversary of the fire is coming up at the end of this month, and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I wish it didn’t bother me so much, but it definitely does. So many negative feelings tied to that event, and so many regrets. I used to love the fall, and now it makes me sick.

Creative burst

I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m feeling more creative and (gasp) energetic lately. Well, energetic in the evenings anyway – still can hardly get out of bed in the mornings.

Okay, perhaps energetic isn’t the right word. Awake…yes, awake is the right word. I’m awake during the day and in the evenings. Which, for me, is a change.

Anyway, I’ve actually started crocheting again. Working on Christmas presents right now, but want to do some Christmas ornaments as well. So many ideas, so little time. Also working on some fundraising ideas for Independent Animal Rescue, though it’s looking likely that we’ll get the $10,000 prize in the America’s Favorite Shelter contest. $10,000 will save about 100 cats and dogs, but the contest also generated interest from potential foster homes, so we may be growing some more as well!

Back to the creativity thing, though – I’m actually doing some graphic design at work that I like. This is rare for me. Often others will like my designs but I will hate them. This either means that I’m getting better, or I’m getting less judgmental of my design.

Sorry to jump all over the place with this post (do I always do this? goodness.) but just trying to get my ideas out there.

I’ve started crocheting a “prayer shawl” for my paternal grandmother for Christmas. I don’t really pray, but the idea is nice. I figure the love that goes into it will be as effective as prayer would be, or perhaps more so. I’m also working on a crocheted felted cat bed, just because I want to.  I found a pattern, too, for bath poofs that can be made out of cotton yarn, and it’s both pretty basic and pretty cute. I foresee lots of bath poofs with shower gel for cousins this Christmas. As long as I stay motivated, that is.

The fundraiser idea I’m working on for IAR involves a “remembrance tree” for pet memorials. The idea is that people will make a donation for an ornament to be placed on a tree either in honor or in memory of a four-legged family member. I found the idea online and think that it also meets the criteria of paying tribute to my poor lost babies. I’ve long wanted to do something to honor their memory and raise money for IAR at the same time, so here we go.

Maybe it’s the Obama presidency, the feeling that the majority of Americans really do care about others, the hope involved in all of it…I dunno. Maybe it’s just that the drugs are working. Whatever it is, I hope it lasts.

The MOST ridiculous thing I’ve heard of in a long time…

And that is saying something.

Check this out:

Booger the pit bull is back! All five of him…

Tue Aug 5, 6:36 AM ET

SEOUL (Reuters) – The loss of Booger the pit bull terrier was almost more than Bernann McKinney could bear.

Now she is happy, minus $50,000 and her house, and owner of five cloned Booger puppies.

…

She sold her house in the United States to raise the $50,000 for RNL scientists to turn skin cells taken from Booger before he died two years ago into embryos carried by two surrogate dogs for two months until giving birth to the puppies last week.

“I had to make sacrifices and I dream of the day, some day when everyone can afford to clone their pet because losing a pet is a terrible, terrible loss to anyone.”

Um…seriously?

Why would everyone WANT to clone their pet? Why would ANYONE want to clone their pet?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my animals. In fact, I know a number of people who think I am too over-the-top about my pets. I’d give quite a bit to have my kitties back. Not anything, but a lot. And I make a lot of personal sacrifices for my furry “children.”

But cloning your pet isn’t bringing your pet back to life. It’s producing a genetic replica of your pet.

If you happen to have identical twin pups and one of them dies, does the other one automatically fill the place of the first? Because considering they have identical genes, the twin should be able to replace the dead one, right? According to this woman’s logic, I mean.

Let’s add a sci-fi twist to the scenario (cause cloning isn’t sci-fi-esque enough!) – say you had two identical twin pups – genetically equal – and one of them was cryopreserved until the other one died. If you could thaw the identical twin and have a living pup, one that had originally shared a womb with the first pup – would you then have a perfect enough pup to fill the place of the first?

Of course not. Because having the same genes does not make one the same being. In fact, identical twins are more “alike” than clones would be, because identical twins, particularly if they grow up in the same household, have more similar experiences. It is as much our experiences as our genes that make us who we are.

I know that pups aren’t people, so experience probably doesn’t play as big a role in the personality outcome, but I also know that the personality of a dog isn’t as complex as the personality of a person, so experience likely plays a sufficient role in the shaping of the dog’s personality. No matter how identical the genes are, that other factor cannot be duplicated.

Not to mention that we don’t know enough about cloning and the long-term health of clones to know whether this woman has, in selling her house and paying $50,000 for these cloned pups, predisposed the poor creatures to some horrible condition that she isn’t even aware of yet.

And how, pray tell, is she going to feed the dogs, take them to the vet, etc. etc. etc., when she sold her house just to pay for them to be created?

Oh – and did she have extra embryos frozen, for when these pups die? Or is she expecting them to outlive her, so she doesn’t have to clone one of the clones? (If she clones a clone, what does that make the clone in relation to the original?)

Truly – I understand the missing of a deceased pet, better than a lot of people, unfortunately. I know what it’s like to lose a pet that you’ve had for years and years, and what it’s like to lose a pet you’ve only had a short while.

But, if it were between cloning my Pip, for instance, or rescuing another cat from a certain death at the local animal shelter, I’m sure that paying tribute to the Pipster would be better served by saving another life, rather than creating more lives, even if they were genetically identical to him. The clones wouldn’t be Pip, even if they looked like him. The clones might turn out better socialized (Some of my friends and family would be okay with that part) and probably wouldn’t drool on me when I cuddled them and try to “nurse” on my shirt, the way Pip did. So, what would be the point, except to have an animal that was mostly identical in appearance?

Pets are with us for too short a time. My Puddin’ and Penny are aging too quickly, and I don’t like to think about how I will deal with losing them, because I know it’s going to be one of the hardest things I will ever go through. But, even though I know they don’t know what cloning is, or about puppy mills and irresponsible breeding, or about the large numbers of dogs on “death row” at shelters throughout the US…I know that, if they did, they would be much happier for me to find another dog to love through animal rescue than to have “Puddin’ and Penny” clones created. I wish I could keep my girls alive for the rest of my life, and that we’d all be happy and healthy until we all died (at the exact same minute, when I’m 102), but that’s not reality. So, I will cherish them while they are here, and I will miss them terribly when they are gone, just as I do my Pip, Piper, Bella, Xander & Felix, and I will, at some point, have other wonderful dogs share my life, just like I am doing with my Neville now.

Really, if they understood, I don’t think Puddin’ and Penny would have it any other way.

Pissed off.

Let’s count the ways things are going wrong these days, shall we?

(FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THIS POST, AS I’M GOING TO DO A BIT OF WHINING. AS IS MY RIGHT, AS IT IS MY BLOG. AND I’M IRRITATED. AND FRUSTRATED. AND TIRED. AND UNSETTLED. AND …)

Did you know that, unless it is stipulated in your lease, your landlord does not have to provide ANY NOTICE to enter your apartment at his whim if you live and rent in the state of North Carolina?

I didn’t.

Apparently my lease (which I should never have signed) gives my landlord the right to enter my apartment without notice during “reasonable hours” for purposes other than emergencies, including “inspecting the premises” to determine if I am complying with the terms of my lease.

I thought, mistakenly, that there was a statute in North Carolina that says a landlord must provide 24 hours notice to enter a residence, if the tenant is not at home.

Apparently not.

I was getting ready to go to bed a little early tonight, as I am seriously sleep deprived these days, and more than a little touchy, and noticed that there was a coax cable running under the dog pillow that sits partially in my bedroom closet. And my first thought was…was that there before? I don’t think I remember that being there before?

The cable runs all the way from a jack outside my closet door to my television on the other side of the room. Then I notice that the location (I think???) of the jack that my TV was hooked up to is capped off.

Then I wonder if I’m misremembering…

Then I definitely recall the cable guy cutting me a fairly short piece of coax for my bedroom. Which means that, um, that coax cable was definitely not running from the other side of the room, through my closet, behind my bed, behind my chest of drawers and to my TV.

I come in the living room and see that the old cable jack there has also been capped off and a new one installed behind my entertainment center.

Again, wondering if I’m misremembering things, I go to the front bedroom and see a jack that I know wasn’t there before…

So, I put on my clothes, get my dogs, and go outside to see if they’ve removed the coax that used to run around my building, which would indicate that I am not, in fact, losing my mind but that they really did ENTER MY APARTMENT WHEN I WAS NOT HOME AND WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE to run coax and install new cable jacks.

And, lo and behold, the coax that ran on the outside of my building has been removed and a new box covering up the cables has been attached to the back of the building…

I don’t think I have any legal grounds, but I do think I’ll call a lawyer and find out tomorrow. Because, um, how difficult would it have been to notify me that they were going to enter my apartment? They have my phone number. I’ve been out of town for a couple of days, so I’m not sure when they did this, but I know it was this week, and I suspect it may have been today, though I got home late last night and wasn’t very observant then…

What bothers me the most is someone entering my apartment when my animals are out and could potentially get out the door. What if Penny darted outside as someone was coming in and holding open the door because they didn’t know any better? What about Neville?

Before I moved out of my last apartment (same landlord, building next door), I had the experience of being home sick from work and my landlord knocking on my door and, my being in my nightgown and in bed, not answering the door, and him and several men WALKING IN MY APARTMENT when I failed to answer the door.

Seems that should be illegal. Seems it shouldn’t have to be spelled out in a rental agreement to be illegal.

What if I had been doing something private, more private than sleeping? What if I had been walking from the bathroom to my bedroom nude, as I seldom close the bathroom door when I shower, as I don’t have a roommate and have no reason to close the door?

What about my right to privacy?

Seems there should be a law. Why isn’t there a law??? How can it be legal for me to pay rent for a place to live and have no right to privacy in my apartment? It makes me uncomfortable, and, frankly, violated, to know that there were people in my apartment when I wasn’t here, and, not only was I not notified in advance, but I was not notified after the fact either. No note, no nothing.

I left my iPod out on my chest of drawers. I don’t have any expensive jewelry anymore, save the one opal and diamond ring that was rescued from my burned jewelry box after the fire, and it has more sentimental value than monetary value. But I didn’t know I needed to hide things, on the off chance that someone entering my apartment might have sticky fingers. And I wouldn’t even know what had happened if I hadn’t noticed something awry.

I had bras hanging in my bedroom, drying after I took them out of the wash. I’d prefer that strangers not be walking around in my apartment when my underwear is out for them to see. I’d prefer that strangers not be walking around in my apartment period, especially without my knowledge.

If there isn’t a law, I may have a new project to tackle. In my copious free time.

I feel sick now. Sick and anxious. Am I wrong to be so bothered by this?

What I wouldn’t give to own my own home. At least then I’d have some legal right to privacy. I should have paid closer attention to that lease. As if it would have made a difference – I needed a place to live, and I needed it right then.

Ugh.

I just wanna SLEEEEEEP.

I think I got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night, and they weren’t very sound ones. From about 3:30 to 5:30 this morning, I don’t remember looking at the clock. At 5:30, I got up, took the dogs out, got dressed, and went to the “old” apartment to finish packing up my shit. I *almost* finished before having to go back to the “new” apartment to shower and go to my doctor’s appointment.

Saw my gynecologist today. I swear that woman is a speed demon when it comes to annual exams. I love her. Told her about the recurring pain in my lower left part of my abdomen, right where my left ovary is, and she said that it could be some scar tissue or some endometriosis, but that if it’s better than it was when I got my Mirena IUD a year and a half ago, I may decide it’s not worth pursuing unless it gets worse again.

My pain is much better than before I got my IUD, as I was hurting a lot back then. I did have some severe cramping last week, but that was the first time in a while. When she felt my left ovary, though, it hurt, and it’s still twinging. But nothing major.

Anyway, my gyn (who was my best friend’s gyn – thanks, S, for recommending her!!!), is a wonderful wonderful doc. Really cares, very thorough, as gentle as she can be, given what’s she’s gotta do. What more can you ask for?

…..

More to write later about this whole move thing, but I don’t have internet at home right now, and I’m just tired, so it’ll have to wait. Suffice it to say that I’ll be glad once I’m settled, and that my little dogs are freaked out a bit right now. I think they think I left them in someone else’s house, cause when I got home from my appointment today, I thought Puddin’ was going to wiggle herself into a fit, she was so excited. My sweet baby girl. I don’t think Neville’s all that concerned though. He was a little bothered that I didn’t feed him late last night, because I couldn’t remember where I’d put his food (I did give him a bit of my chicken), but he was good once I fed him this morning.

Redundant.

Seven thirty-four. P.M. I’m watching One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Never actually seen it. It’s pretty good, if disturbing. Gotta love mental institutions.

That Nurse Ratched is something else. Louise Fletcher played a damn good role. Guess that’s why she won an Academy Award.

………………

Woke up at about 9:30 this morning to take the dogs out. Went back to bed, and woke up at 12:30 or so when someone was knocking on my door. Stupid fucking property owner. Said, “I’m sorry – I hope I didn’t wake you.” I told him that yes, he did, that I hadn’t slept the night before at all. Then he asked if he could come in with the cabinet maker for about five minutes to measure the walls in the kitchen. The walls that they have measured about 10,000 times at this point. I told him that I would prefer he didn’t. He said, “It will only take a couple of minutes. He’s come all the way from Durham.”

I told him to go ahead. Whatever. I know I shouldn’t have. I should have told him that I didn’t care if the guy had come from New York.

I have no balls. And, frankly, I’m okay with that in a way because it would make me a real asshole.

I am going to write an official letter to the property management company – the people I signed a lease with – complaining about the events of the past few weeks. This shit is ridiculous.

……………….

To top it all off, I’ve been having some severe abdominal cramping. I don’t know if it’s intestinal or ovarian/uterine. It’s the same pain, in the same location, as the one I had in fall 2006, when I got my IUD. The pain eventually went away, but it’s been back for a couple of days now. We never did figure out what the cause was at that time – it just eventually subsided.

The pain is sharp and it waxes and wanes. When it’s at its worst, there’s a spot in the lower left part of my abdomen that feels like I’m being stabbed with something sharp. I’ve wondered if it was merely gas, but nothing I do seems to make it subside, it just goes away on its own after a while. Sometimes I lay down on my stomach with pillows under my pelvis, and that helps some – the pressure helps some. The pain is always in the very lowest part of my abdomen, though. Sometimes it’s on both sides. Sometimes it’s in the middle, like uterine cramping. Sometimes it’s just that sharp pain on the left. If it were on the right, I’d worry that it was my appendix. But it’s not on the right. And I’ve had a CT scan of my abdomen, so I know that my organs aren’t backwards, like my great-grandmother’s were! She had appendicitis that almost killed her because it was on the wrong side, so they didn’t think that was what it was.

Yes, I’m feeling very much wordy today. Not concise in the least.

The Indian man just killed Jack Nicholson. Not that Jack Nicholson wasn’t already brain dead anyway – they gave him a lobotomy for stirring up trouble in the nuthouse. The Indian man did him a favor, really.

………………..

I’ve wondered if I had IBS, or ulcerative colitis, or if it’s reproductive stuff. I don’t know. Guess I’ll call my GYN on Monday and start there, if the pain doesn’t magically disappear again. Even if it does, I need to make an appointment for a pelvic exam with her, and I’ll ask about a referral to a gastroenterologist. I am so squeamish about such things – much more comfortable with my reproductive organs than with my intestines! But, putting it off when I’ve been dealing with pain off and on for several years is probably not a good thing to do.

Hopefully I won’t lose my job from missing so much work. I’ll go on Monday for sure, but if Dr. F can fit me in, and I’m still hurting, I’m going to the appointment. What other option do I have?

………………..

I’ll be so glad once I’m moved. Hopefully that will be the end of random people wanting unannounced access to my apartment.

Ah – one of my favorite and most disturbing movies is coming on now. The Silence of the Lambs. Loved the book too. Scared the shit out of me.

Decided to take the rest of the week off

Figured I could use the rest. Frankly, I still don’t feel all that hot, physically or emotionally.

Heard from my doc today. I have strep. Seriously. She’s called me in some antibiotics. I need to go pick them up in a bit. I suspect I’ve had it all along and the first round of antibiotics didn’t get rid of it.

Still battling headaches, nausea, dizziness, but it is subsiding a bit (sort of). Was awake more today than I have been the rest of the week.

Going to try to get my stuff together this weekend for moving. Possibly moving next week. I’ve decided I *really* don’t care so much for the guy who owns these buildings. Came knocking on my door this afternoon asking if he could come in with one of his workers and take ANOTHER look at the kitchen. I told him yeah, but that it was really messy. So, he and this other guy come in and talk about all the stuff they’ve already talked about regarding the renovations they’re going to be doing to my current apartment once I’ve moved out.

And, I had a police officer knock on my door this morning to ask if I knew the owner of a seemingly abandoned car in our parking area. Apparently it’s listed as belonging to someone at this address, but she doesn’t live here anymore. She’s a Hispanic female, and when I answered the door, the cop says, “you’re not the person I’m looking for…” I was like, “Thank God for that.”

But saw the building owner later and he asks me the same thing. Asks if I own the car that’s supposedly been abandoned. I told him no, and pointed out my car. Told him about the cop coming by. He said, “So, you’re innocent.” I told him I usually am.

On a side note – when he and the other guy came in my apartment this afternoon, I had to physically restrain Puddin’ & Penny – they were both growling at them and the hair on their backs raised up. Guess they aren’t any more fond of him than I am.

When it rains…

First things first. My Goddaughter’s adoption party was Sunday, and it was so very nice. The Peanut looked like a little princess and was on her best behavior. My BFF was stressed, but looked lovely and enjoyed things, for the most part, I think. It was nice to see how much love the Peanut’s extended permanent family has for her. I cried. Couldn’t help it. I can’t get over how much I love that little girl. She’s my heart, for sure.

……………..

That was the highlight of the past couple of weeks for me, because much of the rest of it has felt like life going to hell in a handbasket.

The rundown, in no particular order:

- Had a couple of undergrads from work help me out on Friday night with moving the heavier stuff from my current apartment to the new one in the next building over.

Then, while I’m in the process of packing on Saturday, the landlord stops by and has the owner of the property on the phone. He hands the phone to me, and the owner tells me that he’s decided to put central air in the units in the building I’m moving into. So, it would be good if I could stay put in my current apartment for another couple of weeks.

I called one of the guys from work to come over and help me move a couple of the things back – my bed and couch. Left the wooden furniture over there because, I figured, it could be covered up while the work in the apartment was going on, and should be okay…

- Didn’t have A/C in my current apartment and had called about getting it fixed. Didn’t happen. Thought I was moving, so didn’t worry too much about it. Found out I wasn’t moving so called again. They came out on Monday morning and fixed the A/C – took them all of 10 minutes.

- Woke up Sunday with a sore throat…again. Can’t seem to shake this bug, whatever it is. Had a headache all night Sunday night-Monday morning. Called the doc Monday morning to make an appointment. Saw her on Monday around noon and she ran a mono test, a CBC and a throat culture. Also put me on a different inhaled steroid (Flovent) and gave me an albuterol inhaler script because of an asthma-like episode I had on Friday night. Still don’t have the test results, though.

- Called the water people on Monday morning at 8 a.m. to make sure they didn’t turn off my water since I wasn’t moving out anyway. The woman acted like I had asked her to turn off the sun. Said she didn’t know if she would be able to get in touch with the connection/repair crews because they had already left. OWASA opened at 8 a.m. – I called at 8 a.m. They weren’t open on the weekend. The woman said that if the crew came out here, they would charge $45 for a connection fee (even if they hadn’t disconnected…).

Apparently she got in touch with the crew, cause I saw someone here, but she didn’t turn off my water. Considering that I’m sure the crew members have Nextel or the like, I never imagined it could have been that much of an issue.

- Got a hold of Duke Energy and Time Warner Cable to keep my services in the current apartment on. Not a problem, since both of them are open on the weekends.

- Home from work all this week because I have felt like crap. Nauseated, dizzy, headaches, etc. Slept all day Tuesday and all day today (Wednesday). Thought I was feeling better. Got up, took a shower, took the dogs out, only to discover…

- the property owner decided to shampoo the carpets in the apartment I’m moving into. The workers had moved my furniture outside, in the “yard” behind the apartment, without my knowing. My bedside table, with all the stuff that I bought to refinish it, was stolen. I asked the workers. They said they didn’t know that I owned the stuff. They were told to move it out. The bedside table was there, they said, when they went to lunch and gone when they came back. I told them they needed to move the furniture back into the apartment, and be careful with it. Called the property manager (landlord) office and complained. Talked to the owner and he said he had FORGOTTEN THAT I WAS MOVING IN. Ummm…okay…

Stuff has been moved back into the apartment, but my bedside table is gone.

- While I was walking the dogs and discovering the furniture behind the apartment, my Puddin’ decides to take a drink from a puddle on the ground. A puddle from where the workers had been painting something and washing things off – a puddle of water mixed with paint. $60 and a phone call to the ASPCA animal poison control hotline later, she’s okay, but I’m a mess. She vomited up a bunch of stuff, and the vet I spoke with said that it being water-based (I asked) and diluted was good, but apparently there is a small percentage of ethylene glycol (antifreeze) in a lot of paint, and it is sweet tasting and highly toxic. The vet had me feed her treats to soak up the stuff in her stomach. So, she is okay, but, for fuck’s sake, I’m a mess.

And I threw up when she threw up. Of course. Now I’m dizzy and nauseated again.

Why the fuck can’t things get easier?????????

Something, finally.

Moving this weekend, and actually have a place to move. Went to the property management office yesterday to sign a lease for a place that wouldn’t be available until late June, but the owner of the property management company (a.k.a. the Landlord) called the owner of most of the buildings on my street and asked (a) if he still wanted me to move and (b) what other apartments would be okay for me to move into. So, I’m moving into the building beside the one I currently live in. From 105B to 103A. It’s a quad-plex, and I won’t have my hardwood floors anymore *pouting*, but it’s a first floor, 2 bedroom, still has a full-size washer & dryer and is in my price range. Plus, they didn’t charge me a pet fee this time, they’re transferring my old deposit over to the new place, and I’m getting a $300 credit because I’m okay with them not repainting the place.

Got a couple of undergrads who work in our department coming to carry furniture over this evening, and I’ll get the rest myself. Not all that much anyway, and I can just carry it over, since it’s right next door. Power and water will be on today, but cable and internet won’t be hooked up until the 6th. (I hate Time Warner Cable. But I don’t exactly have a choice, if I want high speed internet.) I do have to pay a new connection fee for the water, and a new deposit because the deposit for my current account goes toward the final bill. Which means I’ll probably have a credit, because my water bill is always under $50, which is the amount of the deposit. Anyway, the water company doesn’t “transfer” service, so I have to pay a new $45 connection fee, which will be added to my first month’s bill. They suck like that.

On the plus side, Duke Energy was effortless and it didn’t cost me anything to transfer, plus they took care of my TWC transfer as well, and got me a better rate. Yay Duke Energy.

Hoping the animals don’t freak out at the change. I know my Puddin’ won’t be sad to see the hardwoods go, though. She’s terrified of anything she can slip on.

In other news, my Goddaughter’s adoption party is this Sunday. I know my BFF is stressing about the whole thing, but have no doubt that it will all go over well. The only thing K’s going to care about is having fun and being the center of attention, which will happen in any case…